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Always Choose Kindness

Always Choose Kindness

Thank you, kind Momma, that I friended on Facebook years ago when we were working on the Buckeye Valley Levy campaign, for getting excited when you recognized me. I appreciate the fact that you gave me a much-needed hug and shrugged off my chaos as if it was totally normal. You may not even remember this encounter anymore, but I do.

You came at a time when my anxiety had reached its highest point. What is starting to happen with my moods is that I spike in the opposite direction, sometimes into a deep depression. It is not something that comes on quickly, but it accumulates over weeks and weeks of constant stress and worry.

We are all drowning in the chaos

What you don’t know is that I have not had a girl’s night for a very long time, even though I probably should. My family would like to be there for me but they have a very chaotic life as well, so my stress doesn’t phase them and they tend to not check in on me often. I don’t think they realize I need it. I used to take it so personally and let it tear me apart but now I just realize that they are drowning just like I am.

It’s not that my friends don’t want to get together, because they do. It’s just that we have been investing so much time into the chaos of trying to sell our home and things going on with our kids that we really don’t have time for anything else.

hug, friend

Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

You see, at first, I saw you and I wasn’t sure if it was you, then I almost didn’t say anything because you looked right at me and didn’t say anything either. I figured you didn’t recognize me with my hat and no makeup, but really I am such a mess right now, that sometimes even talking to people takes so much of my energy. However, the second time I looked at you, you realized it was me and you gave me that big smile and much-needed hug.

I feel like I am disappointing them

I came to Target in search of boots and paint to make my oldest son’s Jason costume more authentic. He keeps reminding me that I have waited so long to finish it and it NEEDS to be done. I feel like as of right now, I just continue to let my kids down. Whether it be an unfinished costume, not getting out to a pumpkin patch but instead just buying them from Aldi, the constant stress surrounding our lives at the moment. The stress of thinking we are getting our dream home and then the buyers backing out and feeling like our dreams are crushed. This time in our life kind of sucks but we will get through it. I want my kids to have it all without being little assholes. Yeah, sounds kind of like an oxy-moron, I know, but I do.

Much needed smile

Yup, I came to Target for a costume but I ended up leaving with a much-needed smile. You see, even the small amount of conversation we had in line helped my stress. I want to pretend that I didn’t see those teenage girls behind Aubrey and I looking at us in disgust because I was letting my toddler walk around and I had to run after her. The way they had this snobby attitude like we were just making things not go fast enough for their fast-paced lives. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but there is always that part of me that reminds me where I live and just how snotty and entitled some people can be in this damn city. It’s not my style and Shannon and I are trying so hard to move away from it.

You didn’t even know how much I am drowning at the moment and how chaotic our lives have been, but you didn’t even flinch when I almost forgot my Target bags, nor seem at all phased by the way I currently presented myself as a frazzled hot mess. Thank you for that. I sat and read my daughter a few books before I laid her down for nap and I went over our encounter in my mind. I honestly started to cry because it actually bothered me how much I needed that interaction at the moment.

hugs, be kind, kindness, choose kindness

Self-care is so important

I told myself a few months ago, before all of the house stuff started, that I needed to invest a little bit of time in myself. One of the first things I did was scheduled a counseling appointment. Next, I found a way to get a babysitter so that I could focus on my blogging and make my appointments on those days.

Well, as life as a caretaker sometimes goes, I forgot. I forgot how important my mental health is and put it on the back-burner. My counseling appointments were canceled at least three times because of engagements for the kids or the house that I deemed more important. My days that were meant for blogging turned into days to get the house ready for 1 of the 27 showings or the 2 Open Houses we have had. Yesterday, I think Shannon could finally see how much I was deteriorating. The problem with that though is that I actually feel so bad. Here he is with Shingles, a stressful job and doing just as much as he can to get our house to sell. Yet,I am the one that needs a mental break? How is that fair? Well, anyways, I told myself I would schedule the periodontal screenings, dentist appointments, rheumatologist appointment to figure out what it is exactly I am up against and why I hurt so bad some days, my eye appointment because of course I have misplaced my glasses and lastly try to get re-approved for counseling because I am pretty sure I missed that window.

Always choose kindness

I know this is a pretty intense post for just a quick conversation in the check-out line at Target. But seriously, it is people like you that will help others get through some hard times in life and I just want to say thank you.

This little post is just a friendly reminder to always treat others kindly, you do not know what battles they may be facing

always be kind, kind, kindness

Photo by Sandrachile . on Unsplash

and how they are feeling on the inside. That scowl on their face may just be them remembering a painful encounter with a family member or an upcoming doctor’s appointment that makes them cringe just thinking about it. A friendly little smile and wave or even a compliment may make all of the difference in someone else’s day.

Another little shoutout on my blog because WTF not?!

I didn’t even mention our super amazing Secretary at the kids’ school and how she always offers a sweet smile, asks how specific things are going in our lives and gushes on my daughter. She has listened to me vent more times then she should have to and she always understands, relates and usually offers a similar story of things that have happened in her life. Thank you for all that you do for our kids and families and teachers. You are truly the star of the show and we are so grateful for you. It just so happened that I was at the height of my anxiety at Target when I over appreciated a friendly face. But I cannot even begin to mention all of the times you have been that person for me throughout the short time we have spent at West. Truly wonderful.

As always, thank you for following along on my blogging journey.


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