With the release of my Mental Health Wear (holy shit, this sounds so official and scares me a little) this week, I thought it would be appropriate that we talk about it. What does this lady mean by, “It’s okay to not be okay?!”
To me, it means that it’s okay to be real about your mental health and to talk about it. It’s okay when someone asks you “How are you doing?” and you reply with a REAL answer. Yes, you heard that right. You can be honest. You don’t have to just say. “I’m good.” You could say something like, “Well, it’s been rough lately but I’m getting through it.”
The real truth comes when the person asking the question responds. Did you just make it super awkward for them and they don’t know what to do next? Did you make them stop and think about what they are going to say? If so, that is OKAY! You are allowed to be honest and real and just damn raw. If they don’t know how to respond then you are giving them a precursor for the next time. You may be keeping them on their toes and helping them to be more empathetic. That is how I would like to look at it. If they have a shitty response or just kinda brush it off like they don’t care, Fuck ‘em! They are not worth your time anyways and you don’t need that kind of negativity in your life.
Just Get Through It
I am not saying this in a snarky way at all. That is not my intention behind the title. What I mean by this is to do what you need to do to get through it. Do not feel bad and do not feel like you are not doing enough. And yes, I know, this is a prime example of the pot calling the kettle black. I suck at this. But, little by little the more I practice what I preach, it sticks.
You do not need to smile through the pain unless you want to. If you need to cry then please cry, ugly sob, do what you need to do to get through this bump in the road.
Make a list of the necessities that you absolutely have to do to get through the day. I am not talking about a to-do list that will just make you feel worse about how you are feeling and what you are not getting done. This is a list that only includes the bare essentials like, eat breakfast, feed the kids, brush your teeth, make dinner. Do you see what I am saying? Mental Illnesses come in many ugly forms and sometimes it may include having the hardest time just getting yourself out of bed. This being said, that is why it is important that you make your list of bare essentials and accomplishing those tasks is all you need to fuss about right now. You are getting through the day and that alone can be hard when you are struggling.
This Too Shall Pass
I know, I know, we all hate hearing this phrase spoken out loud when we are going through tough shit.
However, there is truth to it and this phrase is something I have to say in my mind over and over when I am going through hard times. Sometimes the path back to where you used to be seems so far away and I often find myself swirling back down into the “This is it, I will never feel better.” I know it sounds overly dramatic and ridiculous but if you have dealt with extreme depression you get it. Sometimes you even feel like you do not want to go through this again and unfortunately, this is the part where some choose to end their lives. That is not me being overly dramatic, that is the straight hard truth. Please keep reminding yourself of the good times, the moments that breathed fresh relief into your heart and the fact that your life is worth living. There are people that love you too much to lose you.
Photo by Warren Wong on Unsplash
Reach Out
When you talk about what you are going through not only does it help you but it helps others. Now, I am not saying you have to go full fledge Amanda and share your whole story with all of the little details in between. All I am asking is that you reach out to a friend. Find a friend that you can trust to talk to and more than anything someone that will listen without judgment. Heck, maybe even talking to someone that gives amazing advice is something you need right now.
Photo by Joshua Ness on Unsplash
You could find this friend in someone that has always been there, someone that is open about their mental health and has opened up their heart to others that need to talk, someone in your church that you know could be a great friend or maybe even someone that you know that has gone through mental health struggles and can relate. Just talk about it. Talking about it out loud can help you process how you are feeling, help you decide what your next steps may be and also help you breathe a mental sigh of sweet relief. It doesn’t hurt to have someone that knows what you are going through to check in on you, either.
Find a Community
I talked about this a little bit in my prior post (https://awordfrommommabird.com/2019/10/09/seasonal-affective-disorder-and-me-part-2/) but it needs to be reiterated.
Find people with similar interests as you. You do not need to agree with my list and some of these may not seem realistic to you but I bet there is at least one that sounds like a good idea.
Where can you look for this so-called community:
Photo by Hillary Ungson on Unsplash
Church- a lot of churches have Life Groups (they may go by a different name) where you can meet with others going through similar scenarios. These groups are a place to go to talk it out, develop community and just share your time.
Community Center- groups of interest that meet on an ongoing basis, there are even speakers on quality of life series and so much more. You just have to search for your nearest center to find more information.
Facebook- find groups that focus on a certain hobby (knitting, rock painting, running, etc) or even something that you are dealing with (Fibromyalgia, Cancer Caregiver, Bipolar, etc). There are so many groups out there to help you through.
Twitter- I was most surprised by this when I joined a little bit ago. You can find a very supportive community of people whether you are a blogger, parent and more. Yes, there is the dark side of twitter, but I do my best to stay away from that shit.
Don’t be afraid to talk about it. You may be surprised by how many people you are inspiring to do the same. Not everyone will be as open as you are about your mental illness and that is okay. Push aside those boundaries that we have enforced for so very long, knock down those walls, because It’s okay to talk about how you are not okay. Get out there and do your thing. It will get better. Take it day by day.
Picture taken by Steve Halama @steve3p_0
As always, thank you for reading and following along on my journey.
~Amanda