Anxiety Sucks
Can I tell you something? I mean the real stuff.
Not that I don’t already.
I have issues. Truly. One day I am doing pretty well, feeling on top of the world and getting shit done. The next, I find it very hard to leave my house with my kids. There is a chance my chest may burst open from all of the anxiety that is stuck inside of it. It sucks. How many of you have been in this place? Please…do not, I repeat [perfectpullquote align=”right” bordertop=”false” cite=”” link=”” color=”” class=”” size=””] do not, be afraid to talk about it. [/perfectpullquote]
Surrounded by happy. Filled with sadness.
I write this blog because I want to break the stigma. I want to be able to tell you who I really am and my hope of all hopes is that you won’t judge but maybe you will understand and lend a helping hand to someone else that may be struggling. If you could walk out into this world and see someone struggling, maybe even someone that looks like they never smile would you do something nice for them? Is there any possibility that I can help make that happen? I don’t know. But my hope is that if we continue to talk about it, maybe it will. One person at a time.
It helps. Helping others helps you but more than anything it helps those struggling to know that they are worth something.
We All Wear Masks
OK, maybe not this kind of mask…
I have this amazing mask that I wear. It makes me look like I have my shit together…well, at least until I start talking and spilling my guts. Which Shannon never understands because why can’t I just let people believe the illusion that I am boss. I have this life figured out. Honestly though, do any of us really have it all figured out?
Today as I drive my new car that Shannon just traded in. Yes, we just got a new to us Traverse a few months ago, but Shannon wanted something more roomy for our long trips with extra people and Yada Yada. I cannot help but think of the irony of the situation. I drive this beautiful car around looking like we have money and our shit together. When just yesterday I felt like I was just a hair away from needing to be put into an institution so that someone could help me sort out my emotions, my hormones and most of all my negative thoughts about myself. Yup, I’m a mess right now. But don’t worry folks because I drive a boat (that’s what I will be calling this ginormous Suburban that I am currently toting around) and I get up early and try to look decent in a pair of pants that aren’t yoga pants, with my hair done up and some makeup on my face. Yup, I have it all together.
Life is so flipping hard. Some people are just assholes and they almost act like they want to make life harder for you. I try to remind myself that these people were most likely raised to be assholes or treated unkindly and they truly do not know any better. Try to. Honestly, though, I am finding that the older I get and the less I listen to the petty negativity around me, there are soooo many more kind and thoughtful individuals than the latter. I promise there are still some good people in this world.
So please, listen to the Stay at home mom bitch and complain about how hard her day was and how she has no time for herself. Remind her that she is worthy of her own time and maybe a pedicure or time out with the girls. Offer to help the working mom that doesn’t know how she is going to get home in time to take both of her kids to sports and get food on the table in a timely manner. Remind her that she is doing an amazing job balancing work and home. Encourage her to still take some time for herself because she deserves it. Most of all though, don’t forget to take care of you. Yes, this would be the pot calling the kettle black, but something I am working on. Go to counseling. Go to the doctor. Read that book instead of emptying the dishwasher. You deserve it. You are the only you there will ever be. And gosh darn it, you are worth it!
( I will point out that this post was written at the beginning of the summer vacation and summer vacation is now coming to a close. I am happy to report that I am starting to feel so much better after adjusting my medications and I am now working out regularly).
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